Weekending 12/10/16: Secret of Mana (SNES)

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  • Introduction:

Ok, So during my disappearance I wasn’t not playing any games, I was trying out several games for a Blog post but to no avail, I was striking out I wasn’t getting into it for some reason. So I decided that while I was on a break why don’t I just tackle a RPG that everyone loves for the SNES. I had dabbled in this game when I was a kid. It was one of those games that my cousin had and when he came up for the summer he let me borrow it and I would play it for a bit, but didn’t remember it too much because we were so young. At that point I just remembered it was kind of hard and I never got too far because he took it back early so I could try something else.

 

When I started retro collecting I tried to get this one first. At the time it was sky rocketing in value and it is now an uncommon game going for around 60 bucks. So I’ve had it for years and decided to finally play it and see what all the hype was about. I did enjoy Secret of Evermore when I was younger so I’m sure I would enjoy this game……

 

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Our story starts with this punk kid playing with his dumb friends on a huge deadly waterfall. Pretty smart idea considering you are at the top and it’s about 50 feet high as well as there is this rusty ass sword at the bottom. To a huge surprise the weakest kid of the bunch falls down the waterfall and picks up the sword because some ghost appears and tells him to. So the ghost isn’t revealed until later on who it is but that’s the story so far. You pick up the sword all hell breaks loose and monsters start attacking your home town and your stupid friends blame you. The elder who is supposed to be looking after you since you don’t know who your parents are helps the rest of the town kick you out. The journey has begun.

 

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Get lost loser

At this point in my playing I found out what the Secret is. The Secret behind Secret of Mana is that IT SUCKS. This game is absolutely horrendous for a number of reasons. The major reason is the combat is god damned awful! How can you fools like this game? The hit detection is so lousy that you never know when you have a clean hit on any monsters. How many fucking swings does it take to kill a bunny rabbit? There is this stupid meter that fills up and once it’s 100% you hit with your full damage, or as I find out in this most frustrating game, MISS. You will MISS A LOT. How? Why? it doesn’t even tell you that you missed. at least an indicator of sorts would have been nice, but no.

 

 

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Blaaaarg

Another problem I have…There is absolutely no explanation of what any items you buy from a shop does….. It’s all trial and error. I bought a bunch of barrels because I thought maybe they restore your health or mana, but you know what they do? The character puts them on there head….Why? No Reason it does nothing! and it’s one of the most expensive and last items you buy in the game…What’s the purpose of that? You also get a moogle belt. So you can keep turning yourself into a moogle….Why? Why is this even an important item in this game? Very rarely does an enemy turn you into a moogle for you to use the belt to return you to your normal form! Did the programmers really think it was necessary to add this item, but then again they added the barrel item so, Hey I’m clearly not a game designer so, what do I know…Nothing screams fun more than putting a useless barrel on your head when you are fighting a boss and running out of magic points(happened to me and pissed me off).

 

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Yo we got this durrrrr.

I could go on with the flaws of the game play mechanics all day like how the AI characters that are in your party get stuck on stairs or behind bushes when you are trying to get to the next area, or how there is no over world until you get a flying dragon late into the game so you have to pretty much walk and backtrack everywhere. Besides all that the game has a fantastic soundtrack, but sorry folks that doesn’t make a game good. You can’t pour chocolate sauce over onions and say it’s a great meal. You can’t have a great soundtrack to a shitty game and call it a great game.

It took me a month to finally get through this game, I got the hang of it after a while but after a while it took a toll. Raymond regressing from his sleep didn’t help either, but as I continued on I started to realize that the story made less and less sense as I continued playing, and eventually I stopped paying attention. When I began to start paying attention, I was relatively far and had the dragon to explore the worst over world ever because I couldn’t find anything nothing was marked and I ended up landing in the same places all the time. Once I made the mana fortress appear I knew I was closing in on the end because that was the last dungeon however I had to go to this dumb mana tree to”power up my sword” Which is the only part of the story I’m gonna talk about because it blew my damned mind.

 

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So upon arriving in the jungle where the mana tree is, you fight a bunch of bosses you fought before Megaman style. Once you get to the tree it talks to you and tells you the real secret.

 

The mana tree is your mom. Yup….Your mom is a freaking tree….Makes sense right? That was the big reveal…..the big secret…. your mom is a tree and you dad was the ghost that told you to pick up that rusty ass sword. Ok So The “powering up” of my sword….didn’t happen. What the hell were the NPCs talking about? There was no difference in the sword…nothing….no cool animation nothing….I’m your mom, Fight the mana beast….that was it.

 

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Yo Ma!!!! is That you? Where’s the meatloaf!!!!

I was so fed up with this game that I spent the last 2 weeks fighting with myself on whether I should max level grind my weapons too fight the last boss or just beat the game so I can finish this horrid game and never play it again.

So I decided, screw it let’s just beat it and call it a day so I can write about this terrible game and just be done with it. I ran through the last dungeon right up to the last boss. I’m glad I didn’t decide to grind because he was relatively easy. What ensued after well…..What can I say other then…….THE WORST ENDING IN THE HISTORY OF ANY SNES RPG. It was 2 bubbles of text. That explained absolutely nothing about the main plot and then the credits roll…….Wow ….masterpiece.

 

  • Conclusion

Do yourself a major favor, Don’t fall for the hype. this game is horrible and a huge waste of your time. The two ending bubbles were talking about the 3 member in your party disappearing. Then it shows you and the other character going around to all the different towns and nodding at everyone. Yup Brilliant. On that note I’m done. I’m kind of glad my little guy kept pulling me away from this god awful game. I’d rather be dealing with him and his bad sleeping habits then deal with playing this turd again.

 

I will be returning to the original format next week, day by day. It’s too hard to do it with a role-playing game, I needed a whole month….Well 2 weeks of gameplay and 2 weeks of fighting myself and convincing myself to finish it. More like 3 weeks and one day.

 

Thanks as always.

 

 

-Ray

 

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